*Note: These are just my thoughts thrown on a page so I apologize if it is hard to follow. Also, although I sometimes enjoy expressing myself through writing, I am often much better with verbal expression.
I've been here for over 7 months and now I have less than 3 months left in my term. Before leaving I imagined the different stages I would go through in the looming 11 months I would be in South Africa and looking back it's interesting to compare now that I am in my final stretch. In many ways it feels like the longer I am here the more insignificant I feel. I never had an overwhelming "savior" mentality before coming that (unfortunately) many westerners do when leaving home to help vulnerable people around the world, but I am still guilty of sometimes adopting that mentality, even subconciously. I really really hope that I am having some positive impact on the children and teenagers I have relationships with, but I have come to terms with the fact that when everything is said and done, it's inevitable that my personal growth takes priority (whether I like it or not). This is all to say that my experiences here have humbled me as an individual and also allowed me to see God at work in how resilient the children in both villages are.
I would like to address the resilience factor more in depth.
Today is April 5th, and 7 years ago my brother Micah was in a fatal car accident. Three days later loss his life. Needless to say, this event severely jolted my life and has life long implications for me. Everyone experiences loss and trauma, just on different levels. There are some people who go through life with minimal loss, such as the occasional death of a pet or an elderly relative who died of old age after living a long and healthy life. Then, there are those who before the age of 3, have lost both parents from AIDS or abandonment, have experienced physical, emotional, and sexual abuse as infants, have no known relatives, and also struggle with AIDS themselves. I don't know exactly where I am going with this, but the hands that were dealt to these kids is downright inequitable. The thing is, you wouldn't believe that these same children exude joy and hope for the future. Of course they have deep scars and immense emotional and spiritual pain that take years and years to heal (if ever), but it's almost unbelievable how resilient they are given the lives they've had to live. It is extremely encouraging to me and has been another aspect of my personal growth.
These are just some things that have been going around in my head today and I thought I would share them... I am excited at the prospect of coming home, but recently for the first time I have been wanting time to move slower.
