Since my placement will be ending relatively soon I am making this my final blog for my time in South Africa. For those of you who have been reading my random thoughts, I hope that they have been helpful in getting a glimpse of what I have experienced here. I know that words and pictures will never capture what my life has been like over the last 10 months, but maybe they allowed you guys to understand my thoughts better.
I can honestly say that I have entered the stage where going home seems more intimidating than being here. This place has become normalized for me and it feels less and less like I am just visiting this country. At some point during the last two months I have entertained the thoughts of what it would be like to stay here and not go home. I have to say that the idea has appealed to me numerous times. No, this does not mean I have decided to stay in South Africa long term, but the fact that I have considered staying represents to me that my time here has not been superficial and has grown some roots. The entire experience I've had here has been difficult on many levels. Being a part of the lives of children who have deep emotional wounds and scars from their past is often heartbreaking but it is also rewarding to see progress and the exuberant light that shines from many of them despite what they have had to endure. These kids are aching to be loved, accepted, and to be shown affection and so I have learned to not hold back in this area and I have tried to shower them with my time, attention, affection, and love. I know that my humanness limits how much I can give so I put my trust in God that he will be their ultimate source.
I have never been good with goodbyes, but this will definitely be one of the hardest ones. It saddens me greatly to know that I will no longer be a part of the children's daily lives and that I will no longer be surrounded by the Zulu people and culture or the absolutely stunning South African landscapes. I do need prayer for my upcoming transition in June when I will leave my placement. I hope that the transition will have a balance of joy and grief.
I will be coming home mid July. It may seem like a while, but time has been moving quickly here for me the last 6 months and so I will be home shortly. I want to thank you all one more time for just being a consistent support to me. Many of you gave to me financially which made this trip a reality for me and I am extremely grateful for that. Others have kept me in their thoughts and prayers and have given me encouragement which I desperately needed. After witnessing hundreds of children around me here experiencing absolute abandonment from family and friends, I will never take the support system I have for granted. So thank you for being in my life and for being committed to living alongside me.
Tuesday, May 10, 2016
Tuesday, April 5, 2016
Resilience
*Note: These are just my thoughts thrown on a page so I apologize if it is hard to follow. Also, although I sometimes enjoy expressing myself through writing, I am often much better with verbal expression.
I've been here for over 7 months and now I have less than 3 months left in my term. Before leaving I imagined the different stages I would go through in the looming 11 months I would be in South Africa and looking back it's interesting to compare now that I am in my final stretch. In many ways it feels like the longer I am here the more insignificant I feel. I never had an overwhelming "savior" mentality before coming that (unfortunately) many westerners do when leaving home to help vulnerable people around the world, but I am still guilty of sometimes adopting that mentality, even subconciously. I really really hope that I am having some positive impact on the children and teenagers I have relationships with, but I have come to terms with the fact that when everything is said and done, it's inevitable that my personal growth takes priority (whether I like it or not). This is all to say that my experiences here have humbled me as an individual and also allowed me to see God at work in how resilient the children in both villages are.
I would like to address the resilience factor more in depth.
Today is April 5th, and 7 years ago my brother Micah was in a fatal car accident. Three days later loss his life. Needless to say, this event severely jolted my life and has life long implications for me. Everyone experiences loss and trauma, just on different levels. There are some people who go through life with minimal loss, such as the occasional death of a pet or an elderly relative who died of old age after living a long and healthy life. Then, there are those who before the age of 3, have lost both parents from AIDS or abandonment, have experienced physical, emotional, and sexual abuse as infants, have no known relatives, and also struggle with AIDS themselves. I don't know exactly where I am going with this, but the hands that were dealt to these kids is downright inequitable. The thing is, you wouldn't believe that these same children exude joy and hope for the future. Of course they have deep scars and immense emotional and spiritual pain that take years and years to heal (if ever), but it's almost unbelievable how resilient they are given the lives they've had to live. It is extremely encouraging to me and has been another aspect of my personal growth.
These are just some things that have been going around in my head today and I thought I would share them... I am excited at the prospect of coming home, but recently for the first time I have been wanting time to move slower.
I've been here for over 7 months and now I have less than 3 months left in my term. Before leaving I imagined the different stages I would go through in the looming 11 months I would be in South Africa and looking back it's interesting to compare now that I am in my final stretch. In many ways it feels like the longer I am here the more insignificant I feel. I never had an overwhelming "savior" mentality before coming that (unfortunately) many westerners do when leaving home to help vulnerable people around the world, but I am still guilty of sometimes adopting that mentality, even subconciously. I really really hope that I am having some positive impact on the children and teenagers I have relationships with, but I have come to terms with the fact that when everything is said and done, it's inevitable that my personal growth takes priority (whether I like it or not). This is all to say that my experiences here have humbled me as an individual and also allowed me to see God at work in how resilient the children in both villages are.
I would like to address the resilience factor more in depth.
Today is April 5th, and 7 years ago my brother Micah was in a fatal car accident. Three days later loss his life. Needless to say, this event severely jolted my life and has life long implications for me. Everyone experiences loss and trauma, just on different levels. There are some people who go through life with minimal loss, such as the occasional death of a pet or an elderly relative who died of old age after living a long and healthy life. Then, there are those who before the age of 3, have lost both parents from AIDS or abandonment, have experienced physical, emotional, and sexual abuse as infants, have no known relatives, and also struggle with AIDS themselves. I don't know exactly where I am going with this, but the hands that were dealt to these kids is downright inequitable. The thing is, you wouldn't believe that these same children exude joy and hope for the future. Of course they have deep scars and immense emotional and spiritual pain that take years and years to heal (if ever), but it's almost unbelievable how resilient they are given the lives they've had to live. It is extremely encouraging to me and has been another aspect of my personal growth.
These are just some things that have been going around in my head today and I thought I would share them... I am excited at the prospect of coming home, but recently for the first time I have been wanting time to move slower.
Thursday, February 25, 2016
Valleys and Mountains
I've seen my fair share of valleys and mountains during the last 6 months, after all I do live in an area called "The Valley of a Thousand Hills." However my title isn't referring to landscape but rather the lows and highs that I've experienced all within the last month. I'll give an update on everything that's been happening here as of late:
During the last week of January while I was away from Lily spending time with my parents exploring SA, one of the long term volunteers was attacked inside her home and severely injured. She was taken to a local hospital and was admitted into the critical care unit due to a fractured skull and finger. The crime in and around Lily is nothing new, however this was a significant escalation and the incident threatened the life of a Nurse who has the biggest heart for these children. MCC had been concerned about the safety of myself and Rebecca (an MCC service worker at Lily) however they agreed we could stay on site because at that time there was only occasional theft occurring around the village. After hearing about the serious attack, MCC made the decision to pull us out of Lily and look for new placements. Obviously this was heartbreaking news for me for many reasons. The prospect of being uprooted and leaving the place I had invested myself in for 5 months and starting over somewhere else was difficult to comprehend on it's own, but I couldn't bear the fact that I would be abandoning the children and teens who had begun to trust me and accept me into their personal lives. At the time, I tried everything in my power to stay, I even looked into the options of staying at Lily independently because it meant so much to me, however at that point I had no choice but to follow the instructions of MCC. It hurt to leave. It made me aware that grieving happens on different levels and that I was in a state of grief for a while because of the loss I was experiencing. That was about 3 weeks ago. I spent those 3 weeks with MCC in Pietermaritzburg doing various things including a spiritual retreat and various trainings. This time had it's ups and downs but overall it was nice to be part of the MCC family and get to know a new couple who are now working as service workers with MCC. Long story short: There has been a compromise made and I have been able to come back to Lily! I am beyond happy to have the opportunity to spend the remainder of my term with these children that I have learned to love and appreciate so much. The only caveot is that I will be living off site at another children's village which is about 40 minutes away and commuting 4 days out of the week. I will no longer be living at Lily or spending any nights here. Although that is a difficult pill to swallow I am so grateful to be back and still be apart of their lives. Today was my first day back and I have soaked in every moment. Before coming here I have never known the feeling of having 120 children and teens faces light up when seeing me (though, to be honest I was most likely even more excited than they were!) . Many did not know I was coming back so they were surprised :). The change in living arrangements means my schedule and programs will look different and I will lose a lot of evening time, however I am trying to work around it and still continue many of the life skills activities that I hoped to do with the teenagers.
This is all to say that my entire SALT experience has been full of ups and downs but the last month was especially volatile. Nonetheless I am hopeful and expectant for what's in store for me the last 4 months. Thanks for all your encouragement and support!
I would really appreciate prayer in the following areas:
-Adapting to this new schedule and a new home: There are about 45 children at the other Children's Village where I'll be spending some of my down time and I will be getting to know them in the coming weeks. I want to be available as much as possible with all the children I am relating with but I also don't want to get burned out. (In total it will be around 175 children/teens)
-A sense of direction with the activities and programs for the last 4 months and how to be the best support/role model possible to my caseload of teens
-Safety for everyone at Lily
-Wisdom for the senior staff at Lily as they decide the future of the village and the children/teens
During the last week of January while I was away from Lily spending time with my parents exploring SA, one of the long term volunteers was attacked inside her home and severely injured. She was taken to a local hospital and was admitted into the critical care unit due to a fractured skull and finger. The crime in and around Lily is nothing new, however this was a significant escalation and the incident threatened the life of a Nurse who has the biggest heart for these children. MCC had been concerned about the safety of myself and Rebecca (an MCC service worker at Lily) however they agreed we could stay on site because at that time there was only occasional theft occurring around the village. After hearing about the serious attack, MCC made the decision to pull us out of Lily and look for new placements. Obviously this was heartbreaking news for me for many reasons. The prospect of being uprooted and leaving the place I had invested myself in for 5 months and starting over somewhere else was difficult to comprehend on it's own, but I couldn't bear the fact that I would be abandoning the children and teens who had begun to trust me and accept me into their personal lives. At the time, I tried everything in my power to stay, I even looked into the options of staying at Lily independently because it meant so much to me, however at that point I had no choice but to follow the instructions of MCC. It hurt to leave. It made me aware that grieving happens on different levels and that I was in a state of grief for a while because of the loss I was experiencing. That was about 3 weeks ago. I spent those 3 weeks with MCC in Pietermaritzburg doing various things including a spiritual retreat and various trainings. This time had it's ups and downs but overall it was nice to be part of the MCC family and get to know a new couple who are now working as service workers with MCC. Long story short: There has been a compromise made and I have been able to come back to Lily! I am beyond happy to have the opportunity to spend the remainder of my term with these children that I have learned to love and appreciate so much. The only caveot is that I will be living off site at another children's village which is about 40 minutes away and commuting 4 days out of the week. I will no longer be living at Lily or spending any nights here. Although that is a difficult pill to swallow I am so grateful to be back and still be apart of their lives. Today was my first day back and I have soaked in every moment. Before coming here I have never known the feeling of having 120 children and teens faces light up when seeing me (though, to be honest I was most likely even more excited than they were!) . Many did not know I was coming back so they were surprised :). The change in living arrangements means my schedule and programs will look different and I will lose a lot of evening time, however I am trying to work around it and still continue many of the life skills activities that I hoped to do with the teenagers.
This is all to say that my entire SALT experience has been full of ups and downs but the last month was especially volatile. Nonetheless I am hopeful and expectant for what's in store for me the last 4 months. Thanks for all your encouragement and support!
I would really appreciate prayer in the following areas:
-Adapting to this new schedule and a new home: There are about 45 children at the other Children's Village where I'll be spending some of my down time and I will be getting to know them in the coming weeks. I want to be available as much as possible with all the children I am relating with but I also don't want to get burned out. (In total it will be around 175 children/teens)
-A sense of direction with the activities and programs for the last 4 months and how to be the best support/role model possible to my caseload of teens
-Safety for everyone at Lily
-Wisdom for the senior staff at Lily as they decide the future of the village and the children/teens
Tuesday, January 26, 2016
My "halfway through" post
This week marks the halfway point for my term with SALT at Lily of the Valley.
Yesterday, I returned to the orphanage after taking a 12 day leave to explore South Africa with my parents. The experiences we had and sights we saw were incredible. We started our trip in Capetown (highlights included having dinner with Mandela's personal guard at Robben Island, the view on top of table mountain, hiking at the Cape of Good Hope, and the FOOD), then went to Kruger National Park (highlights: Seeing the Big Five but especially the two Lion Prides on our night drive with over 15 cubs), and our final stop on the way back to Durban was the Northern Drakensberg Mountains (highlights: staying in a cottage in a place straight out of LOTR, hiking up a mountain range in the misty and mysterious rain). My parents then came to Lily and spent Sunday all day here seeing where I live and what I do. The vacation was a much needed one, however near the end of our time traveling I really started to miss Lily and at that point I realized how much the children and teens here mean to me and how I've learned to see this place as home. That thought was reaffirmed when I was warmly welcomed back and was greeted by everyone including the children.
My relationships with all the children and youth here have steadily growing and I thank God that trust has begun to be fostered between myself and them. I am fully aware of the emotional fragility most if not all of them so I have attempted to just be a consistent mentor, friend, and encourager especially for the youth boys. Before my leave I began goal-setting with my caseload because I think it is crucial that they set things for the new year that they want to achieve. The goals addressed aspects such as academics, leadership in the village, financial decisions, etc. I'm hoping that setting and monitoring these goals with the teens will help them follow through since they are being held accountable. Last night I started homework tutoring for grades 7-10. I will be providing this every evening for those that want extra help in school. Helping them learn in this type of environment is something I enjoy and I hope it will help them achieve higher marks in school since many are struggling to pass.
Lastly, I would ask for prayer regarding the organization as a whole. There are some significant things that are being decided by the board today that could impact the rest of my term.
Peace,
Dominik
Yesterday, I returned to the orphanage after taking a 12 day leave to explore South Africa with my parents. The experiences we had and sights we saw were incredible. We started our trip in Capetown (highlights included having dinner with Mandela's personal guard at Robben Island, the view on top of table mountain, hiking at the Cape of Good Hope, and the FOOD), then went to Kruger National Park (highlights: Seeing the Big Five but especially the two Lion Prides on our night drive with over 15 cubs), and our final stop on the way back to Durban was the Northern Drakensberg Mountains (highlights: staying in a cottage in a place straight out of LOTR, hiking up a mountain range in the misty and mysterious rain). My parents then came to Lily and spent Sunday all day here seeing where I live and what I do. The vacation was a much needed one, however near the end of our time traveling I really started to miss Lily and at that point I realized how much the children and teens here mean to me and how I've learned to see this place as home. That thought was reaffirmed when I was warmly welcomed back and was greeted by everyone including the children.
My relationships with all the children and youth here have steadily growing and I thank God that trust has begun to be fostered between myself and them. I am fully aware of the emotional fragility most if not all of them so I have attempted to just be a consistent mentor, friend, and encourager especially for the youth boys. Before my leave I began goal-setting with my caseload because I think it is crucial that they set things for the new year that they want to achieve. The goals addressed aspects such as academics, leadership in the village, financial decisions, etc. I'm hoping that setting and monitoring these goals with the teens will help them follow through since they are being held accountable. Last night I started homework tutoring for grades 7-10. I will be providing this every evening for those that want extra help in school. Helping them learn in this type of environment is something I enjoy and I hope it will help them achieve higher marks in school since many are struggling to pass.
Lastly, I would ask for prayer regarding the organization as a whole. There are some significant things that are being decided by the board today that could impact the rest of my term.
Peace,
Dominik
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