Final Thoughts

Since my placement will be ending relatively soon I am making this my final blog for my time in South Africa. For those of you who have been reading my random thoughts, I hope that they have been helpful in getting a glimpse of what I have experienced here. I know that words and pictures will never capture what my life has been like over the last 10 months, but maybe they allowed you guys to understand my thoughts better.

I can honestly say that I have entered the stage where going home seems more intimidating than being here. This place has become normalized for me and it feels less and less like I am just visiting this country. At some point during the last two months I have entertained the thoughts of what it would be like to stay here and not go home. I have to say that the idea has appealed to me numerous times. No, this does not mean I have decided to stay in South Africa long term, but the fact that I have considered staying represents to me that my time here has not been superficial and has grown some roots. The entire experience I've had here has been difficult on many levels. Being a part of the lives of children who have deep emotional wounds and scars from their past is often heartbreaking but it is also rewarding to see progress and the exuberant light that shines from many of them despite what they have had to endure. These kids are aching to be loved, accepted, and to be shown affection and so I have learned to not hold back in this area and I have tried to shower them with my time, attention, affection, and love. I know that my humanness limits how much I can give so I put my trust in God that he will be their ultimate source.

I have never been good with goodbyes, but this will definitely be one of the hardest ones. It saddens me greatly to know that I will no longer be a part of the children's daily lives and that I will no longer be surrounded by the Zulu people and culture or the absolutely stunning South African landscapes. I do need prayer for my upcoming transition in June when I will leave my placement. I hope that the transition will have a balance of joy and grief.

I will be coming home mid July. It may seem like a while, but time has been moving quickly here for me the last 6 months and so I will be home shortly. I want to thank you all one more time for just being a consistent support to me. Many of you gave to me financially which made this trip a reality for me and I am extremely grateful for that. Others have kept me in their thoughts and prayers and have given me encouragement which I desperately needed. After witnessing hundreds of children around me here experiencing absolute abandonment from family and friends, I will never take the support system I have for granted. So thank you for being in my life and for being committed to living alongside me.

Resilience

 *Note: These are just my thoughts thrown on a page so I apologize if it is hard to follow. Also, although I sometimes enjoy expressing myself through writing, I am often much better with verbal expression.

I've been here for over 7 months and now I have less than 3 months left in my term. Before leaving I imagined the different stages I would go through in the looming 11 months I would be in South Africa and looking back it's interesting to compare now that I am in my final stretch. In many ways it feels like the longer I am here the more insignificant I feel. I never had an overwhelming "savior" mentality before coming that (unfortunately) many westerners do when leaving home to help vulnerable people around the world, but I am still guilty of sometimes adopting that mentality, even subconciously. I really really hope that I am having some positive impact on the children and teenagers I have relationships with, but I have come to terms with the fact that when everything is said and done, it's inevitable that my personal growth takes priority (whether I like it or not). This is all to say that my experiences here have humbled me as an individual and also allowed me to see God at work in how resilient the children in both villages are.

I would like to address the resilience factor more in depth.

Today is April 5th, and 7 years ago my brother Micah was in a fatal car accident. Three days later loss his life. Needless to say, this event severely jolted my life and has life long implications for me. Everyone experiences loss and trauma, just on different levels. There are some people who go through life with minimal loss, such as the occasional death of a pet or an elderly relative who died of old age after living a long and healthy life. Then, there are those who before the age of 3, have lost both parents from AIDS or abandonment,  have experienced physical, emotional, and sexual abuse as infants, have no known relatives, and also struggle with AIDS themselves. I don't know exactly where I am going with this, but the hands that were dealt to these kids is downright inequitable. The thing is, you wouldn't believe that these same children exude joy and hope for the future. Of course they have deep scars and immense emotional and spiritual pain that take years and years to heal (if ever), but it's almost unbelievable how resilient they are given the lives they've had to live. It is extremely encouraging to me and has been another aspect of my personal growth.

These are just some things that have been going around in my head today and I thought I would share them... I am excited at the prospect of coming home, but recently for the first time I have been wanting time to move slower.

Valleys and Mountains

I've seen my fair share of valleys and mountains during the last 6 months, after all I do live in an area called "The Valley of a Thousand Hills." However my title isn't referring to landscape but rather the lows and highs that I've experienced all within the last month. I'll give an update on everything that's been happening here as of late:

During the last week of January while I was away from Lily spending time with my parents exploring SA, one of the long term volunteers was attacked inside her home and severely injured. She was taken to a local hospital and was admitted into the critical care unit due to a fractured skull and finger. The crime in and around Lily is nothing new, however this was a significant escalation and the incident threatened the life of a Nurse who has the biggest heart for these children. MCC had been concerned about the safety of myself and Rebecca (an MCC service worker at Lily) however they agreed we could stay on site because at that time there was only occasional theft occurring around the village. After hearing about the serious attack, MCC made the decision to pull us out of Lily and look for new placements. Obviously this was heartbreaking news for me for many reasons. The prospect of being uprooted and leaving the place I had invested myself in for 5 months and starting over somewhere else was difficult to comprehend on it's own, but I couldn't bear the fact that I would be abandoning the children and teens who had begun to trust me and accept me into their personal lives. At the time, I tried everything in my power to stay, I even looked into the options of staying at Lily independently because it meant so much to me, however at that point I had no choice but to follow the instructions of MCC. It hurt to leave. It made me aware that grieving happens on different levels and that I was in a state of grief for a while because of the loss I was experiencing. That was about 3 weeks ago. I spent those 3 weeks with MCC in Pietermaritzburg doing various things including a spiritual retreat and various trainings. This time had it's ups and downs but overall it was nice to be part of the MCC family and get to know a new couple who are now working as service workers with MCC. Long story short: There has been a compromise made and I have been able to come back to Lily! I am beyond happy to have the opportunity to spend the remainder of my term with these children that I have learned to love and appreciate so much. The only caveot is that I will be living off site at another children's village which is about 40 minutes away and commuting 4 days out of the week. I will no longer be living at Lily or spending any nights here. Although that is a difficult pill to swallow I am so grateful to be back and still be apart of their lives. Today was my first day back and I have soaked in every moment. Before coming here I have never known the feeling of having 120 children and teens faces light up when seeing me (though, to be honest I was most likely even more excited than they were!) . Many did not know I was coming back so they were surprised :). The change in living arrangements means my schedule and programs will look different and I will lose a lot of evening time, however I am trying to work around it and still continue many of the life skills activities that I hoped to do with the teenagers.

This is all to say that my entire SALT experience has been full of ups and downs but the last month was especially volatile. Nonetheless I am hopeful and expectant for what's in store for me the last 4 months. Thanks for all your encouragement and support!

I would really appreciate prayer in the following areas:

-Adapting to this new schedule and a new home: There are about 45 children at the other Children's Village where I'll be spending some of my down time and I will be getting to know them in the coming weeks. I want to be available as much as possible with all the children I am relating with but I also don't want to get burned out. (In total it will be around 175 children/teens)
-A sense of direction with the activities and programs for the last 4 months and how to be the best support/role model possible to my caseload of teens
-Safety for everyone at Lily
-Wisdom for the senior staff at Lily as they decide the future of the village and the children/teens

My "halfway through" post

This week marks the halfway point for my term with SALT at Lily of the Valley.

 Yesterday, I returned to the orphanage after taking a 12 day leave to explore South Africa with my parents. The experiences we had and sights we saw were incredible. We started our trip in Capetown (highlights included having dinner with Mandela's personal guard at Robben Island, the view on top of table mountain, hiking at the Cape of Good Hope, and the FOOD), then went to Kruger National Park (highlights: Seeing the Big Five but especially the two Lion Prides on our night drive with over 15 cubs), and our final stop on the way back to Durban was the Northern Drakensberg Mountains (highlights: staying in a cottage in a place straight out of LOTR, hiking up a mountain range in the misty and mysterious rain). My parents then came to Lily and spent Sunday all day here seeing where I live and what I do. The vacation was a much needed one, however near the end of our time traveling I really started to miss Lily and at that point I realized how much the children and teens here mean to me and how I've learned to see this place as home. That thought was reaffirmed when I was warmly welcomed back and was greeted by everyone including the children.

My relationships with all the children and youth here have steadily growing and I thank God that trust has begun to be fostered between myself and them. I am fully aware of the emotional fragility most if not all of them so I have attempted to just be a consistent mentor, friend, and encourager especially for the youth boys. Before my leave I began goal-setting with my caseload because I think it is crucial that they set things for the new year that they want to achieve. The goals addressed aspects such as academics, leadership in the village, financial decisions, etc. I'm hoping that setting and monitoring these goals with the teens will help them follow through since they are being held accountable. Last night I started homework tutoring for grades 7-10. I will be providing this every evening for those that want extra help in school. Helping them learn in this type of environment is something I enjoy and I hope it will help them achieve higher marks in school since many are struggling to pass.

Lastly, I would ask for prayer regarding the organization as a whole. There are some significant things that are being decided by the board today that could impact the rest of my term.

Peace,
  Dominik

The school holidays began for all the children and young adults this week, which means they are all home in the village for the next 6 weeks. I can now understand how parents can get stressed out when their kids have long breaks from school and are home all the time! Just think of having 127 of them ranging from age 6 months to 22 years old and you have an idea of what Lily of the Valley is like. Although this time is overwhelming, I also view it as giving me more possibilities to invest in the kids. Since most of the programming for activities is oriented around the younger children in the village, the teenagers are often bored and left to entertain themselves. So I saw this holiday break from school as an opportunity to begin some more consistent activities with the teenagers on my caseload. I have continued the typing lessons that I began a month ago and I am including some other practical computer literacy training, as well as career and personality exploration.  I also helped one of the girls start a small business project, which she has been very successful with. The most difficult part of my role with the teens is developing activities that catch their interest and get them excited. I have quickly realized that it is no small task to get them engaged and committed to many of the activities involved in life skills development. Having this in mind, I am always trying to plan things for them that I could see myself having interest in at that age.

Aside from the onsite activities, I am also planning a few off site things for the teens to do as well. This Saturday, another volunteer and I are taking all the teenage boys in the village to go paintballing! (If I’m being honest, I am probably even more excited than they are!) I called a local paintball facility and they were willing to give free entry and rentals to our group so that was a huge blessing, especially since finances are extremely tight here. I am also hoping to do a camping trip, beach trip, a service project, and a few other activities before they all head back to school.

One of my highlights from this past week was going into the neighboring township for the first time since arriving at Lily. The management here does not encourage it due to safety concerns but it’s something I don’t agree with them on. I went with two other Zulu guys from Lily and we went to a few stores and got lunch. I was able to meet a bunch of guys and briefly talk with them. The majority of them seemed very pleased that I was there and it felt like they were honored by my presence. The sad reality is, they rarely see any white people in their communities, especially none that are walking around and interacting with them on their level.  Previously I had only driven through these areas and I was always met with stares, so it was such a privilege to meet some of them, hear their voices and see their smiles. There have been many break-ins recently at Lily and as they increase the management has practically broken all ties with the neighboring communities and I want to at least show some of the people in the township that I am not isolating myself from them and I do not view myself on a different level than them. I want to break the perception they have of whites, especially white expats, of being afraid and unwilling to relate with them.

I have been able to more clearly see the lasting effects of apartheid. Crime is very high here and since the whites still clearly have more resources than the blacks it is often the poor in the townships who are committing the crimes and this increases fear and further divides the races. In some parts of the country there is harmony and diversity, however within the populations of extremely high and low socioeconomic status it is mostly absent apart from the Indians. This is an issue on both macro and micro scales and it’s something you can all lift up in prayer.

In other news: Two weeks ago I took two days off and went to Hluhluwe game reserve and iSmangiliso wetlands park. They were both so beautiful and I was able to go on a Safari as well. Wildlife and landscape here is glorious and I am blessed to have it all around me.

On Sunday I will be going on a retreat with MCC in Durban for a week. I am looking forward to having a nice break and interacting with other volunteers and staff. I am definitely beginning to miss home over this holiday season but am also excited to experience this time in a completely different context. Thanks for the continued support.

Another glimpse into my life at Lily

 It's always hard to begin writing these blog entries because there is always so much going on around me every day with the children in the village, alongside spiritual and emotional change within myself. I guess I'll start with the fact that I can now say I have reached a certain level of comfort here where I now can begin to feel like I have more purpose and belonging.

For the first 4 to 5 weeks I was in an adjusting phase where I felt like I was a stranger and although all the kids and staff fully welcomed me, I still felt like an outsider. I think that was a natural feeling to have. There were (and still are) simultaneous transitions that were required of me, including meeting 115 children and learning their names (I have about 100 and counting), learning various aspects of the Zulu culture, understanding my role here (ongoing), and learning how to deal with a greater "eb and flow" of emotional and spiritual health. Another speed bump that I recently hit, was personally experiencing yet another reason to hate the little devils called Ticks. All of this past week I was locked up in my house with a high temp, headaches, body aches, and a sore throat. I ended up going to the clinic after a few days of this misery and after finding a tick bite the doc prescribed me some meds to treat Tick Bite Fever which is fairly common in sub-saharan Africa. I'm feeling much better now so things are looking up! Anyway, the point is I have overcome some challenges and I have found more belonging here, but I have also realized that the challenges will continue to present themselves and overcoming them fosters growth in different areas of my life.

Some of the recent happenings here:

- Two weeks ago I went along to a massive gathering/party for all the children's villages in Kwazulu Natal that took place in Durban. There were over 6500 children/teens there along with supercars, a ridiculous amount of bouncy castles/food and drink, and a South African celebrity showcase. The whole point of the day was to give all the vulnerable children in the province one day where they just can completely let loose and enjoy themselves. It was chaotic and the structure of the event was sketchy, but nonetheless in was pretty amazing to all the kids in a state of pure joy. Also the Senior Lily Dance crew won the talent show with their legit dance routine. They are extremely talented!

- I started a typing class last week for the teenagers on my caseload because I feel it is a very important skill for them to learn especially when/if they go to University. Initially, I was skeptical that no one would be interested and it would be a fail, but to my surprise the computer lab has been packed full every time I open it up for them to learn, and most of them have a drive to learn quickly. Although it may seem small, this was very encouraging to me because it gives me more confidence to implement other activities and shows me the teens are willing to engage. I also feel positive about where my relationships with many of the teenagers are at the moment. I am gradually building trust and friendship with them and they almost always seem to appreciate me being around.

-I have also taken over responsibilities for organizing the monthly market in the village which is a place where staff and/or children can sell and buy things. Many of the staff have their own stands but pay the children to run the stand so they get some experience with money management and customer service. It's also an opportunity for the children to spend their monthly pocket money on a variety of goods. The market has been a highlight for me every month because it brings out all the children and volunteers in the village and every one has a great time.

- There has been a spin-top hype in the village over the past 6 weeks or so. It is a game that most of the children and some of the teenagers play in their free time and I have learned the rules and also like to play. One side note: The kids here can entertain themselves and are often creative with their games outside. Unlike many kids in the States that I have related with, the kids here don't need a screen or constant stimulation to be content.

Here are some pics of the spintop game:

 And here are pictures of some of the children and teenagers:

I am encouraged daily by the resilience these young people have and the way they are wiling to embrace people into their lives. I have been humbled in many ways since coming here because I am an outsider to this culture and I think humility is a huge part of adapting and understanding a new context. If you have time to pray for me, please pray that I have renewed energy and purpose every morning and that God continues to nurture me and strengthens my relationship with him and the children. Thanks for your love and support!

Settling in

So routine has recently started to make itself known here. In the past four weeks I have been able to further develop friendships and relationships with the children, teens, and other staff. This will obviously be ongoing for me, as trust in relationship requires a lot of time, however I am pleased with how well I have been able to connect specifically to the teens. I feel like they view me as a friend and joke around with me almost as a peer, but also have a healthy balance of respect mixed in as I am also an authority figure. These teens are some of the most down to earth and carefree kids I've ever met. I'm sure some of it can be coping mechanisms or a facade but honestly it seems genuine to me and it's hard to believe these same kids are HIV positive orphans. It's inspiring.

 I have had sporadic one on one "meetings" with teenagers on my caseload over the past few weeks and for the most part those talks have gone really well and the kids enjoy the individual attention because they rarely find it anywhere else. Along with meeting with the teenagers, I have also started to plan life skills development activities. Today, I organized for two groups of teens to take taxi's (practically the only public transportation around) into Pietermaritzburg to get lunch and then come back. This sounds like a relatively easy task, however the taxi system here can be very chaotic and intimidating (speaking from personal experience) and navigating can be difficult. I realized that understanding how to use the taxi's would be crucial for them once they leave the village. This is just one brief example of the sort of things I will be planning in the near future. Some activities will be on site and some will be off site (i.e. money management, creating small business initiatives, typing classes, mall scavenger hunt, individual tutoring, etc). Oh, and if you guys have any ideas regarding life skills development for kids aged 13-18, let me know I'm all ears!

Adjustment has been a continuous process for me and some days are more difficult than others. My work at Lily is very draining but not necessarily because I am super busy. It's mostly because I'm always in the village and there is constant stimulation which can be overwhelming. Interaction with the children often feels like it requires an unlimited source of energy... Anyway, these are just a few challenges that have presented themselves and they haven't come as much of a surprise but I still would like prayer for a constant daily renewal of energy and optimism because ultimately I want to pour myself out into the children's lives which cannot be accomplished through my own flesh. It needs to come from the Father. Also there has been increased crime inside the village so you can also pray for the safety of the children and staff as well as wisdom and discernment for the management as they have to make decisions regarding security.


 Over the next few days I am having a spiritual retreat with MCC to reflect on my transition and to have a much needed break. Today was the first day and I already feel spiritually, mentally, and emotionally refreshed. I'm starting my 7th week here in South Africa! Wild. I miss you all at home and I'm jealous of the fall weather and fairs, but I have much to be thankful for here (and the weather here will be nice for the next 8 months :p). Thanks for the continued support and prayer, I don't take it for granted!